If you’re hoping to start a Tend group, you need to know about a moment almost everyone hits: choosing a co-leader.
You feel clear about the vision. You can picture the people. You can imagine the meals, the conversations, the shared work.
And then you get stuck.
Who is going to do this with me?
Finding a co-leader can be hard. Not because people don’t care, but because they are already carrying a lot. In order for them to say yes to something new, they almost always have to say no to something else.
If that’s where you are, thank you for resisting the temptation to forge ahead without a co-leader. It’s good to pause and do this right.
I recently coached Annie through this exact challenge. In this blog, I want to give you a glimpse into that conversation and impart some advice on how to find a co-leader for your Tend group.
What It Sounds Like When You’re Stuck
Annie booked a call with me to talk about starting her Tend group. She is highly motivated, and she wanted to know how to find a co-leader at her church.
Her church is aging, and everyone seems to be busy. As Annie kept talking, the tension surfaced.
“There are people at the church that have true servant hearts. They’ll do just about anything you ask them to do … but they don’t want to be out front. I’ve asked them, and they always say, oh, no, I can’t do that.”
And then another layer.
“There’s the leader of the women’s Bible study. She has a gift of hospitality, but she’s already committed to two studies. So that was my hesitation about asking her.”
This is the moment where many leaders stall out. Everyone you think of either feels too busy or not quite right.
If you stay in that frame, it will feel like there is no one.
Let’s gently widen the lens.
A Different Way to Look for a Co-Leader
In the conversation, Annie and I steered toward a missional leadership posture, assuming that God is already at work in the lives of others.
Rather than working from a blank page, I said, “You either find people who are already doing something at church, and you transform their existing commitment into a Tend commitment. Or, you find people who are already committed to doing the kind of creation care that you want to do, and you invite them to do more of it together.”
That shift matters.
Instead of asking, Who has time to add something new? You begin asking, Where is God already at work and how can Tend fan that into flame?
From there, we look at three simple categories of people.
Co-Leader Category One: People Already Committed at Church
These are people already showing up.
- Bible studies
- Small groups
- Ministry teams
These people already have a rhythm. They have already marked off time in their calendar, so you might as well use that.
Instead of asking them to add something new, you are inviting them to reshape what they are already doing for a season.
You are not adding a meeting. You are giving their existing time a shared focus.
Here are two ways you might approach it.
You could say something like:
“Hey, I’ve been thinking about our group. What if, for the next 10 weeks, instead of doing what we normally do, we tried something new together? It’s called Tend. It’s a simple way of connecting Scripture with a hands-on activity like gardening. Same time, same people. Just a different rhythm. Would you be open to co-leading that with me?”
Or you could keep it even simpler:
“I love what we already have going. I don’t want to add any new time commitments. But I’ve come across something that could fit right into what we’re already doing. Would you be willing to help me lead our group through it for a season?”
Notice that you are not asking them to stretch their calendar. You are inviting them to reimagine something they already care about.
For Annie, this meant thinking creatively about the Bible Study she leads on Sunday mornings. Who in that study could Annie approach first to ask to be a co-leader for a Tend group? The group would need a couple simple modifications.
- Instead of dinner in a home they could have their meetings at church with muffins.
- And on the Earthcare Activity weeks, they could still meet at church on Sunday mornings but just walk to the on-site garden and work there with their neighbors.
She also mentioned a Wednesday night rehearsal she’s a part of. While Tend wouldn’t be an appropriate substitution for the rehearsal, she could host a Tend group before or after the rehearsal. People could come 45 minutes early and make committing to the group much easier for them and for the co-leader.
Co-Leader Category Two: People Already Doing the Work You Care About
Annie wanted her group to focus on gardening as their Earthcare Activity.
As we talked, I was looking at a satellite map of their church property and noticed a familiar structure.
“Does your church have raised beds for a vegetable garden?”
Annie said three years earlier, people in her church had built a raised bed garden. They gave time, money, and energy. And now it was just sitting there, fallow.
As Annie reflected, she said:
“I might go to the people who built it, because they had the vision for this garden.”
I said:
“If it was me who had a vision for a church garden and built it, I would be driving past it on Sunday mornings and feeling bad. Like, is anyone ever going to use this?
“But for someone like you to come up to me and say that you want my help to bring it to life … that would be a blessing.”
What a great place to start looking for a co-leader.
There are often people who already care deeply about the kind of Earthcare Activity you’re hoping to do in your Tend group. They may be avid gardeners, join local trash cleanups, or go hiking on weekends.
A great person to ask to be your co-leader is someone who has already committed to an activity that is similar to the one you’ll do as part of your Tend group.
Here are two ways you might approach this kind of person.
You could say:
“I know you are really passionate about [gardening]. I’ve been thinking about it, and I would love to help bring that to life with a group of people. There’s a simple way to do that through Tend. Would you be open to doing this together and helping lead it?”
Or:
“I’ve noticed that you seem to love [hiking]. I’m hoping to gather a small group to do that kind of work together, along with some time in Scripture. It feels like something that’s already close to your heart. Would you want to partner with me as a co-leader?”
This kind of invitation lands differently. You are recognizing a passion and commitment that is already there. You are not asking them to care about something new. You are inviting them to keep caring, together.
Co-Leader Category Three: People Who Trust You
This is the hardest category, but it is also real.
These are people who may not have a natural connection to the activity. They may be busy. They may not feel like leaders.
But they trust you.
Annie was already trying to think of these people. People with whom she already had relational capital. The missing piece here isn’t that she wasn’t thinking of these people, but she wasn’t sure how to approach them.
It starts with acknowledging that you’re really asking them for a favor. That requires honesty and humility.
It also creates space for a different kind of yes.
Here are two ways you might approach it.
You could say:
“I know your plate is full, and this might feel like a stretch. But I trust you, and I would really love to do this with you. Would you consider saying no to something else for a season and stepping into this with me?”
Or:
“This might not be the thing you would naturally sign up for. But you’re someone I trust, and I don’t want to do this alone. Would you be willing to try this with me for 10 weeks?”
This is not the easiest ask.
But it is often the most relational.
And sometimes, that is exactly what opens the door.
Don’t Get Stuck Here
After talking through these three categories of people to ask to be her co-leader, Annie said,
“Thank you, because I hadn’t really been thinking about it that way.”
Co-leaders aren’t usually sitting around waiting for us to ask them. They’re busy. They have commitments.
It’s really up to us to broaden our imagination for who we can approach and how. A small change in how we think about it can help a lot.
As you think about your own situation, you might wonder whether now is the right moment to ask.
On one hand, you don’t need to force something to happen. Pay attention to timing, to people, to what is already unfolding around you.
On the other hand, don’t let that stand in the way of making a clear ask. If you think the person might be busy, you can just say that. “You might be busy with other things …” can ease the conversation.
Why Announcements Don’t Usually Secure Co-Leaders
There is a very natural instinct at this stage to make a general announcement: Wanted: Co-Leader!
You might think about putting something in the bulletin, mentioning it from the front, or adding a note to the church newsletter.
It doesn’t hurt to do this. In fact, Annie did something similar. She said, “I did put something in the report, asking if people would like to explore creation care, just put it out there.” That kind of visibility can be helpful, especially in a busy church where people need multiple touchpoints to notice something new.
But it is important to be honest about what those announcements actually do. They almost never result in someone stepping forward on their own and saying, I will co-lead this with you. What an announcement does instead is create a shared reference point. They make your future conversations easier.
That way, when you talk to someone one on one, you are no longer introducing something from scratch. You can say, “Hey, you might have seen that note in the newsletter,” or “I mentioned this briefly on Sunday.” It lowers the barrier because the idea already feels familiar. In fact, this is exactly what Annie did.
Real movement happens through personal invitations. Identify people you would like to be your co-leader, and talk with them in person or over the phone. Give them space to hear the vision, to respond, to ask questions, and to feel that this is an invitation into a shared project, not a task being assigned.
This can feel slower and more vulnerable, especially if you are not sure how they will respond. But this is how the right person says yes.
And it is worth holding that line. Resist the pressure to move forward without a co-leader. It can be tempting to just get started and hope someone joins you along the way, but Tend works best when it is shared from the beginning.
So go ahead and make the announcement if it helps. Just do not stop there. The real invitation happens one conversation at a time.
A Simple Next Step
When someone does say yes, the next step is simple.
Go to tendlife.org/dashboard. Start your group. Enter your co-leader’s name and email.
They will receive an invitation to create their own account. Once they do, they will be able to see the group on their end too.
You are not building this alone. And you are not starting from nothing. More is already happening around you than you might realize.
Take a look again.
